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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist C M Walker39/Female/United States Groups :iconbipolar-da: Bipolar-DA
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Deviant for 4 Years
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Hello Fellow Deviants!  Thought I'd write a journal entry to catch ya'll up on what is up with me lately, and why I haven't been active here in quite some time now.  My health is crap, I have multiple painful symptoms that have gone on for years but is just getting worse.  In the past, I'd get a flare up of symptoms that would leave me bed ridden for a couple weeks to several months.  Now I've been sick for a year continuously, and am FINALLY this month seeing different Specialists, getting several lab tests done, and my symptoms are finally being considered as having a possibility of being systemic, connected with each other.  Where it stems from is what is being investigated at the moment.  As we weed through the lab tests we are excluding certain systemic diseases and disorders to find out what it is NOT,  which will hopefully lead to what it IS so I can be properly treated.  I am in chronic severe pain daily, and no amount of Ibuprofen, Tylenol, or even stronger pain meds like Hydrocodone and Oxycodone are not touching the breakthrough pain.  I was finally referred to a Pain Management Clinic, just to find out that they are no longer taking patients with my insurance, so it's going to be another month or so before I can possibly get accepted into another one, then it will take a couple more weeks after that for the initial consult appointment.  My Art has fallen to the wayside due to all that's been going on, and basically my brain has become Swiss-Cheesed by the constant severe pain that never abates and the anxiety of so much going on at once.  I don't multi-task well, lol, and I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in months.  My psychiatrist ordered a prescription for Sonata, sleeping pills, this week for me but it will take a week or two before I receive it due to the asinine HMO/State Health Insurance policy that requires a "pre-authorization" for certain medications that the doctor has prescribed.  I am very frustrated with the state of our Healthcare system for the Poor and/or Disabled here in California in the good 'ole U.S.A., but am grateful that I DO have any kind of insurance at all.  At least I'm now being taken care of.  It's taken 4 years to get to this point of investigating with Specialists the reason for my chronic painful ailments, and for that I am grateful.  I'm just frazzled with living with these symptoms and not knowing the cause nor having any relief from the constant aggravating pain that grates on my nerves.  I do not have the energy to do any Art projects, which is probably the most depressing part of all of this.  My Art is what was keeping me sane.  I do have ideas for when I have more energy to set up, work on, and clean up paintings, but I lack the energy necessary to do all of this.  I barely have the energy to get to all my appointments and pick my son up from school every day.  So if anyone is wondering why I've fallen behind on dA with uploading new deviations and taking care of my group called Bipolar-Artists and being an admin for Bipolar-DA, this is why.  I am hoping with all my heart that answers and a successful treatment will be found soon, so I may resume "living" again!  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; I feel like I've been resting my bum on the bench on the sidelines way too long in this Game of Life.


WhatHealsMeKillsMe's Profile Picture
C M Walker
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
I am a self-taught artist, who is an avid hobbyist in the field of traditional art. I work with pens, colored pens, graphite pencils, charcoal pencils, colored pencils, and acrylic paint on multipurpose paper, canvas paper, canvas panels, and canvas. I also like to mix it up sometimes and include many media into the piece I'm working on. I'm still learning as I go. I'm usually working on 3 or 4 pieces at once (thank you A.D.D.!). I hope to work with oils again one day, and ultimately become an Art Therapist too. As Otep Shamaya says, "Art Saves"!

In the not too distant future, I plan on collaborating with my husband who is a glass blower. Those will turn out badass! I can't wait until that idea comes to fruition! I plan on going to local art expos soon to get a feel for the scene and meet local artists and see how the whole art expo scene works. I plan on putting myself out there and exhibit my art also, in the future when I fine tune my painting style.

Unfortunately I've been having physical nerve problems that have slowed down my progress, but I do what I can when I can! It just gives me more resolve to get through as much as I can when I'm not in as much pain. I take advantage of those times; all of that is another reason I work on 3 or 4 projects at the same time. If I can't do one, I'm working on another, unless my nerve pain prevents me from doing any of it. But I know of an artist that is blind and paints phenomenal paintings; you'd never believe she's totally blind! So I try to remember her when I'm having a tough time on certain days. I also battle Bipolar Disorder, so that has an effect on the consistency of my work. I sometimes will draw or paint for weeks at a time every day, then take a 3 week hiatus from all art when I'm in a serious funk. I'm not just a Traditional Artist, I also occasionally write poetry. "Follow your passions, on your belly, over heated coals if you have to .......but go." ~Otep Shamaya

When I favorite a piece, I always leave the artist a comment! I figure it's proper etiquette to at least say something to the artist regarding why I favorited their work. There have been occasions when I commented without favoriting, but my words stand strong nonetheless! If I were to favorite them all, I'd be lost in my favorites!!! In case you didn't notice, I'm a very wordy person and when I comment on your piece, I will give an honest critique that may become wordy on you, but it will always come from the heart! ♥ Art is my Passion!!! May you have a deviously creative day! :D

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WhatHealsMeKillsMe has started a donation pool!
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I really wish to reward the very worthy talented artists here on dA with point gifts of my own! I also want to contribute to the groups I'm in with points to help them out. I started a group called #Bipolar-Artists, and would love to give points to my admins for their work they will be doing with me. I'm in much need of points, so if you find it in your heart to do so, click here and please donate! Also, if you know of any point contests for Poetry or Traditional Art, let me know! If you can spare a point or two, it would be MUCH appreciated! Thank you in advance for your generosity!

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Add a Comment:
canofoilstuff Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
I will miss you hon, you were an amazing artist and a dear friend , for the last year I have been waiting paitently for you to heal and get better so we could share more art together, but you won't be making anymore..... I am sad , be at peace dear friend...
aaaaaaaaabb Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
saw you joined on the bipolar DA page! good to meet you <3
dragonoids Featured By Owner May 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey there! Thanks for adding Display of Humanity to your favourites!
dragonoids Featured By Owner May 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey there! Thanks for adding me to your watch list as well :)
Oilux Featured By Owner May 1, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you for the watch darling!
SecretKeeper12 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the fav :)
thomasbossert Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012
:handshake:..many thanks for the :+fav: and especially for :+devwatch:
PhilipHarvey Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks so much for faving my cuddly dragon and writing the nice comment! ;)
Cake4Never Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the :llama: back!!! :hug:
Countrygrace Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!
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